I teach adults how to do things for a living. Primarily, I focus on things like how to be a
better leader, or how to have an adult conversation at work, but I think
anything is teachable. And, quite
frankly, I think there are a few things that need some good learning. Here are
my offerings:
1.
Four Way Stops: Suggestion or Law? We will explore the complexity of the
four-way stop, answering the following questions: Does it mean stop, or what? How long do I have to stop, until EVERYONE
who got there before me goes? Are there
weather exceptions, because when it snows, I thought you didn’t have to signal
or stop at stop signs? If somebody has
the right of way, is it okay for me to just make a left turn in front of
them?
2.
Work Bathrooms: A How-To: This informative
session has four parts: flushing, hand washing, telephone etiquette, and basic
sanitary skills. We will tackle such
tough subjects as: Seat Covers: How to Not Leave Them Behind; The Art of the
Courtesy Flush; Hair in the Sink: Is That Cool? and To Talk or Not To Talk: A
Guide to Respecting The Stall.
3.
Second Grade Grammar: A remedial course for
those who haven’t mastered your/you’re, to/too, there/their/they’re, and
loose/lose. Warning: IF YOU HAVEN’T
GOTTEN IT BY NOW, YOU PROBABLY NEVER WILL.
4.
Am I The Problem? This fun and informative
course will help you gain insight on whether or not the problems in your life
are actually your doing. Prerequisites
for attendance: proof of two or more insane comments on USAToday, trail of
failed relationships, extreme political and/or religious views, and
unreasonable sensitivity to other peoples’ happiness, as evidenced by weird
mass emails, notes posted in common rooms, and/or three or more bossy bumper
stickers.
5.
Parenting 101: Based on the best-selling book,
If You’re Not Snorting Crack Off of Your Kid’s Toy Box, You’re Probably Fine, this
multi-part series focuses on strategies for not ruining your child
forever. Which is probably going to
happen anyway.
6.
Illegal, or Just Latino? This informative and
eye-opening course focuses on distinguishing between the dreaded illegal, and
the merely Latino. This course
unavailable in Arizona on orders of Jan Brewer and Joe Arpaio. Companion course: Does Speedy Gonzalez Really
Go Steady with Everyone’s Seester?
7. Birth Control: Is it Used by Sluts or
Tramps? This comparative studies course
focuses on evaluating the merits of the Limbaugh “Birth control is for sluts,”
comment versus the Mike Huckabee “Birth control is for women who can’t control
their libido,” offering. This course is
only open to men, as women are whoring sluts who can’t control their slutty whore
libidos.
