I Can Give You A Lesson On That

I teach adults how to do things for a living.  Primarily, I focus on things like how to be a better leader, or how to have an adult conversation at work, but I think anything is teachable.  And, quite frankly, I think there are a few things that need some good learning. Here are my offerings:

1.     Four Way Stops: Suggestion or Law?  We will explore the complexity of the four-way stop, answering the following questions:  Does it mean stop, or what?  How long do I have to stop, until EVERYONE who got there before me goes?  Are there weather exceptions, because when it snows, I thought you didn’t have to signal or stop at stop signs?  If somebody has the right of way, is it okay for me to just make a left turn in front of them? 

2.     Work Bathrooms: A How-To: This informative session has four parts: flushing, hand washing, telephone etiquette, and basic sanitary skills.  We will tackle such tough subjects as: Seat Covers: How to Not Leave Them Behind; The Art of the Courtesy Flush; Hair in the Sink: Is That Cool? and To Talk or Not To Talk: A Guide to Respecting The Stall.

3.     Second Grade Grammar: A remedial course for those who haven’t mastered your/you’re, to/too, there/their/they’re, and loose/lose.  Warning: IF YOU HAVEN’T GOTTEN IT BY NOW, YOU PROBABLY NEVER WILL. 

4.     Am I The Problem? This fun and informative course will help you gain insight on whether or not the problems in your life are actually your doing.  Prerequisites for attendance: proof of two or more insane comments on USAToday, trail of failed relationships, extreme political and/or religious views, and unreasonable sensitivity to other peoples’ happiness, as evidenced by weird mass emails, notes posted in common rooms, and/or three or more bossy bumper stickers.

5.     Parenting 101: Based on the best-selling book, If You’re Not Snorting Crack Off of Your Kid’s Toy Box, You’re Probably Fine, this multi-part series focuses on strategies for not ruining your child forever.  Which is probably going to happen anyway. 

6.     Illegal, or Just Latino? This informative and eye-opening course focuses on distinguishing between the dreaded illegal, and the merely Latino.  This course unavailable in Arizona on orders of Jan Brewer and Joe Arpaio.  Companion course: Does Speedy Gonzalez Really Go Steady with Everyone’s Seester?

7.    Birth Control: Is it Used by Sluts or Tramps?  This comparative studies course focuses on evaluating the merits of the Limbaugh “Birth control is for sluts,” comment versus the Mike Huckabee “Birth control is for women who can’t control their libido,” offering.  This course is only open to men, as women are whoring sluts who can’t control their slutty whore libidos.